Live Again
by JP LE 4E
Summary: Lily Evans has lost her four best friends to Voldemort and his cause. James helps her pick up the pieces to her life. Rated T for violence and death.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: **This is my first published fan fiction. Please R/R. It will be appreciated. I won't care if you tell me it's crap, just as long as you review! Oh yeah and everything belongs to JKR except anything original you see!

**Summary:** Lily Evans has lost her 4 best friends to Voldemort. James and his fellow Marauders decide to help her pick up the pieces of her life.

**Prologue**

I've lost so much to him. I've lost Bailey, Lauren, Rick, Zachary. The list could go on and on. These four were so special to me, not to say that its puts them above all of the others he's murdered, but these four hit me especially hard.

Imagine coming into a new world,a magical world at the age of eleven. Imagine making four amazing friends. The word friend isn't even the best word to describe them. They were more than that. They were confidants, match-makers, partners in studying and crime. Among them is the first boy you kissed. They were the people that were there with you when your first boyfriend dumped you, and who helped you walk back to the castle after getting piss faced over said boyfriend.

They were your world.

Now imagine losing one, Bailey, at 14 because she was Muggleborn, because she didn't meet up to their vision of the way a witch should be. I don't meet up to their standards either.

So many nights I asked God why it was her? Why couldn't he have taken me instead? I'd have gladly gone in her place.

The remaining four of us made it through 5th and 6th year. We learned to laugh again. We learned to live again. I lost Lauren, Zachary and Rick at the social event of that summer. Lauren's mother, a very wealthy influential witch, was hosting ball. It was a dress robe event. Important people were everywhere you looked. After only two hours of dining and dancing, so were Death Eaters.

That night I was in the presence of James Potter, whom I had been dancing with at the time of the invasion. Normally I would not have been caught in public doing such a thing, but his mother had seemed rather persistent that the two of us take the floor.

I can relive the horror as though it were yesterday. James was proving to be a remarkable dancer. I was actually impressed.

"I'm sorry about my mother, Evans." He seemed slightly embarrassed. His cheeks had even turned the cutest shade of pink.

I grinned. "Oh not to worry James, I don't mind. Now it would be better if you had Peter's dancing skills but I suppose a girl can't always get what she wants," I said sarcastically. His face was a mix of quite a few emotions as he glanced at me and then over his own shoulder, to see poor Peter trampling on Lauren's feet.

I had called him James and was being civil to him. These two things only happened on a very rare occasion. Finally, he smiled and dipped me, as the song ended, and as if they were waiting for their cue, dozens of Death Eaters came pouring into the ballroom.

"Don't let go of my hand," James whispered to me.

Chaos would not begin to describe what was going on. Somewhere in the distance, an old man told us to run to the edge of the grounds so we could apparate. We were trying to get out of the ballroom, when a Death Eater stopped us. I heard her voice cruel, high-pitched "I've been waiting to do this to you, filthy little Mudblood." She muttered an incantation and James and I were flung up against the wall. "Ahh Potter, I hate to see you're no different from your scum parents. I'm going to enjoy this. Avad-"

Rick had tried to disarm her, but failed. I heard him yell for us to run. I tried to plead with him but he just screamed it again. Then, he just screamed and I knew he was gone.

We ran and ran. When we reached the edge of the grounds, we apparated to James' house. We were soon joined by Sirius, received word from Remus and Peter that they were home and safe. In the back of my mind, I knew why Lauren and Zachary hadn't sent word to me yet.

I owled my mum and dad, told them I was out of harms way and was awaiting word about my friends. I would stay at James' until I found out.

It was 4:17 a.m. when his mum finally apparated home. The two boys jumped when they saw her and she hugged them both tight. It hadn't occurred to me that they were waiting on her return as well.

"Dad?" James' choked out after a moment. His eyes shone with tears. It amazed me. I'd always thought he was too proud to cry. Then again he thought he's lost his parents. Even James Potter wasn't too proud to show emotion in that situation.

"Paperwork." He managed a small smile, and hugged his mother and Sirius tighter.

There was a silence. The four of us knew that there were many who had lost their lives. Sirius couldn't stand it any longer. He looked straight into Mrs. Potter's eyes and whispered, "Who?"

She sighed. Her age became more apparent. She looked as though she had lived many years in a short time. She listed names, big wigs, order members, muggleborns, half-bloods, civilians. James and Sirius both squeezed my hands as she drew a very unsteady breath. "Rick, Zachary and Lauren are gone as well. I… I didn't know how to tell you."

I sat there numb. Mrs. Potter hugged each of us, and we all sat in silence for awhile, trying to rap our minds around it. After what seemed like an age. She left to tend to business at the ministry.

I went home. I spent my days in shock. I did not feel the slightest bit happy when I received my Hogwarts letter. I did not feel light hearted when I read that I had become the new Head Girl. I boarded the Hogwarts Express. I told Prefects of their upcoming duties. I did not pitch a fit when I found that James was Head Boy. I went to a feast where I ate nothing. I retired to a dormitory where there was only one four poster bed.

Imagine having four amazing friends, who were your life for 6 years. Imagine losing them all before you could even graduate.


	2. Eleanor Rigby

**Author's Note:** CHAPTER TWO! YAYA! Well actually Chapter 1 since the real Chapter 1 is a prologue. I decided to change the point of view to third person so I could cover more of James; maybe even some Marauder's later on. I guess that makes the first chapter somewhat of a prologue. Hope you like this. Special thanks to everybody who reviewed! All of you totally made my day! Reviewing makes my day, and my day needs to be made.

Anything unoriginal belongs to JKR!

Chapter 1: Eleanor Rigby

Lily's first morning at Hogwarts was like the worst nightmare she could ever have. She had lay in my bed, eyes tightly shut, trying to convince herself that when she opened them Lauren would be asleep in her bed. When Lily finally managed to open her eyes, she choked out a dry sob.

"Pull yourself together Lillian," she muttered like a mad woman. She tried to dress quickly, keeping her eyes away from the other side of the room, but it was impossible. And when she did look, she could almost see Lauren standing there. She'd be fussing over her hair complaining that she'd never catch anyone's eye with hair as greasy as Snape's. Hell if Lily concentrated even harder, there was Bailey, sitting on the edge of her bed, planning a marriage to Remus Lupin that he'd never know about.

Her knees gave out as she sank to the floor. She would never have that again. She wiped the tears from her eyes and retreated downstairs. The boys looked at her with a sympathetic expression. They knew what she was going through, just not the full extent of it. The Marauders still had each other.

Sirius put and arm around Lily's shoulders. "You. Me. These three losers. Breakfast. Now."

"I'm not hungry."

"It wasn't a question." Sirius Black was taking a parental tone with her. It was almost scary. "You did touch dinner. You have to eat something."

She didn't fight him, just walked through the portrait hole and headed towards the Great Hall. The Marauders followed, each wanting to break the awkward silence, but none knowing how.

Lily ate a piece of toast just to please everyone. One glance at the sausage links reminded her of Zachary's very old and very tiring walrus impression. Every morning for six years she saw it. It had gotten quite annoying, but now she longed to see the blonde haired boy sitting across from her giving her his walrus eyes with two sausages shoved in his mouth.

The day was full of memories and tears. The two things seemed to flood her life. She didn't think she could stand Hogwarts much longer. A place she had treasured so much was now just a painful reminder of all the evil the world possessed.

Lily was dreading her first patrol with James. She feared he'd ask her questions she wasn't ready to answer or try to make her laugh when she knew that her friends could laugh no longer.

James, she found out, is full of surprises.

"Lily I know you probably don't want to talk, and that's fine with me. Just if you do, know that I'll listen." Lily didn't respond. She just kind of looked at him blankly. She meant to look surprised, but her face had already forgotten how to show emotions.

They patrolled for one solid hour. For one solid hour, James did not utter a single word. At the end of the night they went to their dormitories. He gave a small smile. She didn't return it.

Two months had past and Lily's life was getting worse and worse. On the outside she looked as if she hadn't eaten in weeks. Her face was gaunt and her beautiful green eyes had lost their flare. Lily Evans could be seen pouring herself into a book in the library, studying for an exam that was a week away.

She only spoke to teachers and occasionally the marauders. She spoke with James over their duties and nothing else. If he had asked her how she was feeling or said they needed to talk about her, she acted as if she never heard it.

Lily Evans had gone from Hogwarts poster girl to a girl that looked on the edge of suicide.

This was the Lily that everyone saw. No one knew about the dreams No one knew of the faces that she saw everywhere. No one knew that late each night she'd go into the common room just so she could sleep and retreat early in the morning before anyone woke. No one knew that Lily was far worse than she seemed, and what she seemed to be was terrible as it was.

Professor McGonagall had spoken with James on numerous occasions, trying to think of a way to bring the real Lily back to life.

"I don't know, Professor. She's just seems so dead inside. She's eerily passive. The Lily I know yells at students for doing magic in the corridors, gives misbehaving Slytherins a good talking to, and yells at me for doing something more constructive than talking to them. She's not herself in any way, shape, or form."

The woman that sat before him slid her glasses off her face and held her head in her hands. She looked almost vulnerable. _That's impossible_, James thought, _I guess she really cares about her. She cares about all of us._

"Mr. Potter I believe that it may be time we sought out some professional help for Lily. Maybe Mungos cou—"

"NO!" He realized he had shouted, "I mean, Lily would never go for that type of thing Professor. Not now at least. I just think that it'll be better to get her talking to us first."

"James, have you forgotten that your friends and yourself are not her favorite people?"

"No ma'am, but she needs something."

The next day, during Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lily feel asleep. Normally she would never do such a thing, but the night before she had to wait on a few third years that had snuck out before she could go to sleep. One moment Professor Helmer was talking about the effects of dementors, and the next…

She was a Death Eater and she was invading Lauren's party, but she wasn't her, she could see herself gripping James hand tight scared for her life. Why was she holding James hand? That was disgusting she had to make herself pay for it. Then Lily spoke, in a voice that was not her own but all too familiar. "I've been waiting for you, filthy little mudblood." She flung herself and James against the wall. "Ahh Potter, I hate to see you're no different from your parents." She smiled beneath her hood. "I'm going to enjoy this. Avad-" Rick had grabbed her arm.

"RUN!"

"Rick, I can't leave you here."

"RUN DAMNIT, RUN!"

Her gaze did not leave Rick. "Oh so noble and so stupid. Avada Kedavra." Lily came to her senses. "RICK! NO!" she crouched down beside him, shaking his body back to life. "Rick, I'm sorry. Wake up. You can't leave me here. You can't die. Please."

She was on a cold stone floor and Professor Helmer was kneeling beside her. "Oh thank God, Lily. You had us so worried." Lily became aware of the rest of the class standing over her.

"Wha—what happened?"

"You were having a nightmare. You started screaming and went into convulsions. James take her to Madam Quince immediately."

The two walked in silence. James took a moment to take in her appearance. She looked terrible. No longer was she, the fiery beauty he had known. He still thought she was beautiful, of course, but her energy was gone.

"I heard you say you were sorry to Rick," he blurted out. He knew that he should probably apologize for the outburst, but something told him not to. For the first time in two months Lily reacted to the question he had asked. She looked as though was thinking about what to say.

"I was the Death Eater that killed him," she said in barely a whisper.

"It's not your fault you know."

"I left him there."

"So did I." James stopped walking and looked deep into those sparkles green eyes. "He didn't want us to die."

"But I did anyway." She had died. The night they died she died right along with them. James and Lily walked in silence to the hospital wing. Madam Quince kicked him out and gave her a potion for a dreamless sleep.

_A dreamless sleep_, Lily thought, _wonder what that's like_…


	3. Something

**Author's Note:** It hasn't taken me forever to update. Note the sarcasm. I promise not to be this bad ever again. Unless I get super duper busy and such. Which may happen. A few more chapter's to go! Did I ever mention this would be a short story?

**Ch. 2 Something**

Lily Evans awoke the next morning in the hospital wing. It had indeed been a dreamless sleep. For that single moment after she awoke she felt a peace she had not felt in months. She sat up in bed and took in her surroundings. As her eyes fell on the bedside table she felt a little shocked. There were cards, candy, balloons and what looked to be a stuffed deer. She picked it up and wondered a loud, "Now who on earth—"

"Miss Evans thank goodness you're awake! Quite a few people stopped by this morning, but I couldn't let them wake you. Kids never understand that the sick need their sleep!" Madam Quince was bustling around the infirmary making beds and such. "The headmaster would like to speak with you, but I gave him a good telling to. Honestly, why doesn't anyone want to let you rest?"

Lily stared blankly at the ranting woman. What did Dumbledore want to speak to her about? She knew. Yesterday began to burn its way into her mind again. He would want to talk about her behavior and even want her to tell him how she was feeling.

It was pointless; there was nothing anyone could say that would help her. She was, in fact, dead inside. She wanted to be, at least. The only emotion she felt now was pain. Emotional pain was far worse than physical pain.

Quince kept her in that bloody infirmary for two days. She didn't see much of anyone. Remus and Sirius came by with her homework. Sirius had even taken notes for her in History of Magic. What surprised her more than him taking the notes, was that they were actually decent. She forced a smile at the two boys. They knew it wasn't genuine, but to see Lily smile at all seemed a step in the right direction.

James stopped by as well. He appeared worried. He told her he had rescheduled the prefect meeting for the night that she was released and had made out the patrol schedule as well.

"I was wondering if you could check it over. I'm not sure I did it right."

Lily looked it over. Snape was patrolling with only Slytherins. She pointed this to James. "Yeah, I know." He ran a hand through his hair. Lily cringed. Her cringe made him smile. _Finally,_ he thought, _some real emotion_. "Everyone except the Slytherins have been complaining that Snape scares them. It wouldn't look to good if our prefects were hexing one another."

When Lily was released, she was to report to Dumbledore's office immediately. As she made her way through the school she couldn't help but wonder how it would go. She felt no need to talk about her friends.

"Ah, Miss Evans, I've been expecting you. Please sit," He gestured to the chair in front of his desk. She sat and the old man smiled kindly. For the first time in her life, Lily was annoyed with the headmaster. She was so sick of everyone treating her so sweetly. She didn't deserve it. She was rude. She brushed people off. She was just a shadow of her former self. She let Rick die.

She let Rick die. She could remember it so clearly he was being brave, stupid even and—"Miss Evans?" Professor Dumbledore's voice pulled her away from the memory. She's lost count of the number of times she had relived it. Now was not the time. "It is not necessary for us to beat around the bush. You and I know why I have called you here today. I would like for you to recount for me the happening of your dream from a few days ago."

Lily looked down. She couldn't meet his eye if she was going to lie to him. "I… I can't remember."

The headmaster slid his half moon spectacles off and looked at her. No, not at her, but past her, through her. He knew. "There are some things in life that we feel should be left unsaid. There are things that we sometimes do not want to say. Sometimes these things should be withheld, but Miss Evans this is not one of those times."

"I'm sorry professor I can't." A tear drop hit her robes.

"The mind is a fickle thing. It has a way of stopping the heart from healing. You must learn to put your heart before all else. Your heart has the power to save our world if you let it."

"I don't understand, sir."

"Your friend Rick offered up his life for you Lily and for a very just cause. You cannot repay him by living a non-life."

When Lily left Dumbledore's office she had no particular direction. She felt numb. She felt fate would have a way of leading her where she needed to be. When she stopped walking it was at the far edge of the lake. The moon was almost full. _Remus was safe for a few more nights_, she thought. _Remus had been through so much. He seemed strong, well put together. His life was burdened greatly, but he never carried as though he wished he was dead._

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw a stag walking along the water's edge. It was a beautiful creature. She moved towards it and it finally took notice of her and seemed a bit frightened. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." Lily offered up a hand to the deer, who in turn licked it.

"You know what I wish?" she whispered, feeling a bit absurd talking to a stag. "I wish I live my life again." You can, the stag seemed to tell her with his eyes. "The marauders, Dumbledore, McGonagall, everyone, wants me to move so fast. Maybe I have been grieving for awhile, but what am I supposed to do. If they could only understand." The majestic animal nuzzled her arm and took off into the forest. She sighed.

Later that night, after Lily had returned to the common room and was seated doing her

homework, James Potter fell through the portrait hole. It was a very pathetic display. She let out a soft laugh and looked to the crumpled heap, that was James.

"Do I hear the laughter of an angel?"

"Hello James."

"Ready for our patrol, my lady?" He bowed ridiculously low and the two set off into the castle.

"How've you been?"

"I'd be lying if I said good."

"So don't," he said. It sounded strong and sure, but when her eyes met his she could see the doubt and understanding.

"Like the world stopped and sped up all at once." James just gave her a look that said he expected her to say more, and for the first time she did.


	4. Imagine

**Author Note: **This is the last chapter... I never intended this to be a long fic... just not this short, but life is crazy and will get even crazier soon... so... I hope you enjoy.

**Chelles**: Noshe did not tell him her dream.

**Ch. 3: Imagine**

That day I told him everything. I poured every memory, every single memory nto him. I cried. I laughed He never said a word. Just rubbed my back and listened.

I wasn't instantly better. Every now and then I swear I can see Lauren and Bailey in the room. Rick and Zachary by the fire. But I know it's not then. I still miss them and I'll never stop, but I'm getting better. My friends would want me to live again.

I can picture the look on Zachary's face if I had gotten to tell him I was dating James. Or the look in Bailey's eyes if she had known Remus had secretly liked her as well. I can hear Rick's comments in my head every time McGonagall says something that can easily be turned sexual.

And Lauren... Well I can just see her next to be bawling her eyes out. Her words would sound mixed and odd. I'd hear something about friends forever and seven whole years.

I took one last look around the common room. There in the corner some first years were talking excitedly about summer holidays .I envied them so.

James placed an arm around me and whispered, "Imagine what life would have been like without this place."

"I don't want to."

Fin.


End file.
